I am terrified of flying. However I love to travel, therefore I had to learn to deal with my fright. Recently I took a trip required me to take three different planes and lasted about 16 hours up in the air. At the longest flight, my seat was located where I could see the movements of the plane’s wings through the wind and the clouds from my tiny oval window. First time in my life I dared myself to look out and watch the plane took off.
I could feel the roaring of the engine under my feet while watching the flight attendant demonstrating safety procedures. Does anyone believe these safety procedures really work? At that moment of panic and horror, who would have the state of mind to even locate their life jacket under the seat? Still, I listened like a good student, trying not to miss one detail. Quickly and discreetly I checked under my seat to make sure the lifejacket was there. Then I looked around to locate the closest exit as the flight attendant asked us to do. Now I was ready for any disaster.
I realized that everyone got really quite as the plane was airborne, everyone was anxious, one way or another. I looked out and saw the sky tearing. Sun was setting and the clouds looked heavenly. It was so amazing that my fright felt so insignificant. I was in awe. I said to myself, if something goes wrong and I die, what a way to go. Then a serene calmness took over me like a warm shower. I was not afraid, not any more. Not that I was ok with dying, it is the facing of the inevitable. It is when you know hopelessness is not a choice. This plane goes down, you are dead. I am dead, my son with his little head on my lap sleeping is dead, sweet baby next row sucking on her mother’s breast is dead, rowdy teenagers in front are dead, beautiful flight attendance is dead, the pilot is dead, everyone is dead, dead… So what choice do you have but surrender?
Is this the surrender what everyone calls “faith”? You must have faith that everything will go 100% right in that flight. Every little bolt will stay in its place, wings will not break away, engines will not fail, birds will not fly into the propellers, all electrical systems will work fine and the metal tube you are sitting inside will be strong enough to handle all turbulence. Yes, this is the promise with you are stepping into that airplane. So, what else can we call it but utter and unquestioned faith? Faith in its most undiluted form. And that faith was what came over me when I decided to enjoy my flight instead of being scared to death. And believe it or not, every time you step into a plane to fly somewhere you are armed with the same exact faith, even if you do not recognize it at the time. Well, because you do not have another option, enjoy the sunset!
WOMEN'S VOICE
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
CAN WE DANCE?
I always find Western women trying to belly dance a little bit awkward, incongruous and infelicitous. Not that they don’t have the most beautiful bodies or best intentions, just like our palate is trained in childhood, belly dancing is a taste that needs to be injected into your soul from that early on. It is not just the movement; rhythm is invoked with the scents, sounds and the colors of the environment. Unless you were infused in those peculiar details from childhood, your hips are not going to move like Leila’s, or Amina’s.
I understand the intrigue and the obsession over it. A woman in a belly dance costume with her tiny waist and cascading black hair, splendid and seductive moving like a river, is amazingly mesmerizing. She looks like an enchanting mythical creature offering eternal rapture. Whom among us earthly woman would not want to inflict these emotions on men?
Each culture has these rituals of carnal connection. Pole dancing is a good example of our society’s idea of seduction. The pole is representing the penis, accordingly; beautiful women wrapping themselves around an erect stick. As sexy as this might be for men, I find pole dancing to be blowzy and vulgar. It does not carry the feminine elegance and humility of belly dance. It does not have the subtle invitation of the fluid movements and the lithe surrender of it. It is missing the bashful suggestion. It is a men mandated style of expression.
Of course I don’t mean that western women should not try to learn to belly dance. I love to see women expressing themselves through art, music and movement. I actually prefer they try belly dancing instead of pole dancing. I can’t tell anyone what to do, or what not to do. All I am saying is that, while we learn and adapt precious customs from other cultures, we need to have respect, understanding and a bit of modesty because we might not fully grasp the intricacies of each ritual and the base requirements of practicing them.
I understand the intrigue and the obsession over it. A woman in a belly dance costume with her tiny waist and cascading black hair, splendid and seductive moving like a river, is amazingly mesmerizing. She looks like an enchanting mythical creature offering eternal rapture. Whom among us earthly woman would not want to inflict these emotions on men?
Each culture has these rituals of carnal connection. Pole dancing is a good example of our society’s idea of seduction. The pole is representing the penis, accordingly; beautiful women wrapping themselves around an erect stick. As sexy as this might be for men, I find pole dancing to be blowzy and vulgar. It does not carry the feminine elegance and humility of belly dance. It does not have the subtle invitation of the fluid movements and the lithe surrender of it. It is missing the bashful suggestion. It is a men mandated style of expression.
Of course I don’t mean that western women should not try to learn to belly dance. I love to see women expressing themselves through art, music and movement. I actually prefer they try belly dancing instead of pole dancing. I can’t tell anyone what to do, or what not to do. All I am saying is that, while we learn and adapt precious customs from other cultures, we need to have respect, understanding and a bit of modesty because we might not fully grasp the intricacies of each ritual and the base requirements of practicing them.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
FAITH INTERCEPTED
So we grow up, trying to do the right things; finish college, find a good man to marry, make babies, be a good mother, be a good wife, find a job, be a good worker, take good care of the family…Then one day suddenly you wake up and whatever is in you stirs the pot; it is stirred up…It feels so uncomfortable and foreign that you want to run away, thinking maybe you can leave the feeling behind, but to no avail. It sticks with you and keeps tugging your soul until you are hopelessly looking for an answer.
When I said this to my Yoga teacher, she said my light was trying to come out, and I needed to look within to understand it; Rumi has a wonderful quote on this “The wound is the place where the light enters.” I was more confused than ever. I did not feel wounded, what was she talking about? Looking within…How did one do that; to look deep inside of your own heart and soul? Without even knowing how to do it, I was nervous. What was inside? What would I have to face or deal with?
I started to read and research. I started to meditate. I was so uncomfortable with that feeling inside of me that I was determined to figure out how to get rid of it. It was like wearing one size small shoes and you did not have the ability to take them off. Or having a fish hook stuck in your eyeball, where you are afraid to pull it off but the pain is so unbearable that you know you need to do something about it.
It took me years…I lived with that feeling for years, while I was reading all about myself, spiritual growth, self improvement, and going to Yoga and meditate. Meanwhile things happened in my life in such an odd sequel that made me more curious about life itself. A major hurricane hit my business within the second month I’ve purchased it. I have lost my mother to cancer within two years of that event, and then I found out some things about my partner which shook me to my core. On top of it, I had a major health scare and a slight melodrama.
Then one day, it hit me just like the way it started. Suddenly everything was clear like a mountain path after the fog. I could see far away into the forest. I could breath. I could think. I could laugh again, enjoy my coffee and be funny. I was freed. I was liberated from the chokehold of the aberrance. I was myself again. I was about the graduate from Yoga school to be an instructor. I was starting to write again. I started a new exercise program, lost weight and stopped smoking. I even found people from my past and had a chance to mend some broken hearts, which felt so good, like ending of a karmic cycle. May be that was it, some debt that was not paid, some unlived memory or intercepted faith. Whatever it was, worked its way out, and I am so pleased that it is gone, I hope forever; whatever forever means…It feels so good to be back...
When I said this to my Yoga teacher, she said my light was trying to come out, and I needed to look within to understand it; Rumi has a wonderful quote on this “The wound is the place where the light enters.” I was more confused than ever. I did not feel wounded, what was she talking about? Looking within…How did one do that; to look deep inside of your own heart and soul? Without even knowing how to do it, I was nervous. What was inside? What would I have to face or deal with?
I started to read and research. I started to meditate. I was so uncomfortable with that feeling inside of me that I was determined to figure out how to get rid of it. It was like wearing one size small shoes and you did not have the ability to take them off. Or having a fish hook stuck in your eyeball, where you are afraid to pull it off but the pain is so unbearable that you know you need to do something about it.
It took me years…I lived with that feeling for years, while I was reading all about myself, spiritual growth, self improvement, and going to Yoga and meditate. Meanwhile things happened in my life in such an odd sequel that made me more curious about life itself. A major hurricane hit my business within the second month I’ve purchased it. I have lost my mother to cancer within two years of that event, and then I found out some things about my partner which shook me to my core. On top of it, I had a major health scare and a slight melodrama.
Then one day, it hit me just like the way it started. Suddenly everything was clear like a mountain path after the fog. I could see far away into the forest. I could breath. I could think. I could laugh again, enjoy my coffee and be funny. I was freed. I was liberated from the chokehold of the aberrance. I was myself again. I was about the graduate from Yoga school to be an instructor. I was starting to write again. I started a new exercise program, lost weight and stopped smoking. I even found people from my past and had a chance to mend some broken hearts, which felt so good, like ending of a karmic cycle. May be that was it, some debt that was not paid, some unlived memory or intercepted faith. Whatever it was, worked its way out, and I am so pleased that it is gone, I hope forever; whatever forever means…It feels so good to be back...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
FALLING........
Old love stories used to make me laugh. I never believed any of it. Although I did like to watch the sappy romantic movies like sense and sensibility, for me it was like watching a war movie for someone who has never been a soldier. It was sad, exhilarating and confusing at the same time. Unless you live trough an experience of war, I don’t think you can truly understand what it is to be a warring soldier. Love is warlike in a way, and unless you fall head over heels once, you will have no idea why people cry over stupid sad songs. Love is battling, ferocious and dangerous. The reason people fall for it over and over despite its agony, it can also feel like paradise.
Everyone has a theory on love; why do we love? How do we love? What is love? So many books have been written on the subject that makes you think why do we still have no cure for it? It is an ancient disease. Since Adam and Eve, there was love and betrayal and sorrow following it. I could not find one book titled “Why do we still fall in love like dummies?” But we do, don’t we? We are such stubborn animals, we humanoids. Despite its unbearable pain, despite its hopeless promise, we still do it. We fall in love…Even the word “fall” implies our impending doom but we don’t care. Why? Love is blind? Who came up with this ridiculous expression? Love is not blind, foolish may be, but certainly not blind. Because we see, we look, we like and we love. Everything starts with that first look. Then you know love is not blind, but you wish you were blind.
I am almost sure if we were forewarned about the after pain of love, we would never fall for it. Then I guess the question will be, is it possible to “not” fall in love? I am not sure. Many theories of love state that it could be all about the chemicals in our brains, spirituals say it is about what your heart is telling you and children say it is a play. Take your pick. I have a different theory. I think it is a disease, some kind of virus. It gets you when you are least expecting it and when you are most vulnerable. And to cure it you need the other person. You need their eyes, you need their hands, their smile, their touch, their kiss…That is the only cure. If you don’t get the proper medicine, which is the object of your affection, then I feel for you. It is so painful, so unbearably and hopelessly agonizing that sometimes you wish you were death, and some actually kill themselves.
So what do we do? I don’t know about you but at least I protest! Yes, I’ve had it with this nonsense! I am done with love. I don’t want no part of it. I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to read about it, I don’t want to talk about it…I will do everything in my power to keep away from this virus; may be more vitamin c, less contact with my heart and some really occupying schedule. Yes, sounds about right. I am just not catching it again. I am not rolling in agony thinking about him, I am not staying all night to wait for his call, I am not missing him like hell…I am not…Whatever it takes, I am not catching the love virus again. And whoever can come up with a kind of potion to keep me away from it, I am willing to pay whatever its price. Let me know, and let me know soon…
.
Everyone has a theory on love; why do we love? How do we love? What is love? So many books have been written on the subject that makes you think why do we still have no cure for it? It is an ancient disease. Since Adam and Eve, there was love and betrayal and sorrow following it. I could not find one book titled “Why do we still fall in love like dummies?” But we do, don’t we? We are such stubborn animals, we humanoids. Despite its unbearable pain, despite its hopeless promise, we still do it. We fall in love…Even the word “fall” implies our impending doom but we don’t care. Why? Love is blind? Who came up with this ridiculous expression? Love is not blind, foolish may be, but certainly not blind. Because we see, we look, we like and we love. Everything starts with that first look. Then you know love is not blind, but you wish you were blind.
I am almost sure if we were forewarned about the after pain of love, we would never fall for it. Then I guess the question will be, is it possible to “not” fall in love? I am not sure. Many theories of love state that it could be all about the chemicals in our brains, spirituals say it is about what your heart is telling you and children say it is a play. Take your pick. I have a different theory. I think it is a disease, some kind of virus. It gets you when you are least expecting it and when you are most vulnerable. And to cure it you need the other person. You need their eyes, you need their hands, their smile, their touch, their kiss…That is the only cure. If you don’t get the proper medicine, which is the object of your affection, then I feel for you. It is so painful, so unbearably and hopelessly agonizing that sometimes you wish you were death, and some actually kill themselves.
So what do we do? I don’t know about you but at least I protest! Yes, I’ve had it with this nonsense! I am done with love. I don’t want no part of it. I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to read about it, I don’t want to talk about it…I will do everything in my power to keep away from this virus; may be more vitamin c, less contact with my heart and some really occupying schedule. Yes, sounds about right. I am just not catching it again. I am not rolling in agony thinking about him, I am not staying all night to wait for his call, I am not missing him like hell…I am not…Whatever it takes, I am not catching the love virus again. And whoever can come up with a kind of potion to keep me away from it, I am willing to pay whatever its price. Let me know, and let me know soon…
.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
BOYFRIEND SHOPPING LIST
I know I will probably offend few people with this blog; but anyone who knows me well knows that I rather be honest and write or say what I hold to be true for myself than try to conform someone else’s idea, just so I am still liked by them. I like Dr. Seuss’s famous quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Besides I just ate a Dove chocolate piece, one of those that have quotes in the wrapper, and it said “Create a little controversy.”
Lately, like millions of people around the World, I have been involved with Facebook, and became friends with many spiritually minded people. Among them there are a lot of Life Coaches, some self made, some with incredibly high level qualifications, like Doctors and Therapists. Of course ‘Love” and “Relationships” are a big part of our lives as it has always been since the beginning of time. Remember Adam and Eve, the ones with the fig leaves? Consequently, there are a lot of life coaching going on about relationships, dating, marriage and divorce. I know most of them are very helpful as we all need assistance and support time to time, dealing with our heart matters. One concept I have been very intrigued about is the idea of “making a list of things one wants in a potential date or mate.” Many coaches are adamant about making lists of your requirements in your next love, so that you know what you want, and also according to the “Law of Attraction” that is what you would attract, so some says.
People take this concept very seriously. I came across some of the lists online, and let me tell you they were long, and detailed; some down to the hair color and to the shoe size. And in the chat rooms or in the comments sections of the web sites people were writing things like “oh, he did not have the two things in my list so I broke up with him” or things like “Oh, I forgot to add that quality to my list so I attracted someone who did not have that particular quality” and I am like “what?” Suddenly I had a “light bulb” movement. I wondered if Juliet ever made a list like that. I guess she forgot to mention in her list that “I want a boyfriend my family would like.”
In all seriousness, I found the lists to be extremely self-centered, one sided and unrealistic. Do we all want the perfect man or woman? Gorgeous, smart, successful, well-balanced, neat, funny, calm and collected; did I mention gorgeous? What if that perfect person is looking for the next perfect one? Are we perfect? How many of our traits or characteristics are in someone’s list? Aren’t we putting ourselves up for major disappointment? And what happened to loving someone with all their faults, all their humanness and weaknesses. I am not advocating getting in to a relationship with criminals, abusers or dysfunctional people with serious addiction problems, but for God’s sake who do we think we are? How about our shortcomings? How about our less than perfectness? How about looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying ‘He/she must have broken up with me because I did not have two of the characteristics he/she had in her/his list.” Does this sound fair, loving or even rational to you? I am dumbfounded about people’s lack of introspection, self-analysis and humility. In our quest for love and happiness are we becoming blind to arrogance? Of course we must have discretion and some wisdom while getting involve with someone, but expect them to fit into our idea of perfection is downright selfish. They are them, and you are you. If you are compatible enough it will be heaven, otherwise let them find their own muse. Do you think all the happy couples out there have the perfect mates? No, they are just perfect for each other.
I am looking forward to a day I will meet a Life Coach who recommends self-evaluation first, making their clients understand that may be their past relationships did not work out because of what they were missing within themselves. After all you are the only constant in your past relationships. May be it is “you” who needs to add or subtract some characteristics so that you can attract someone to love you. Then I figured it out; how can you tell people who are paying you for your services that they are the ones needs change so that may be they can fit into other’s lists? After all we human species do not like to be criticized at all. I know of only a few people who have ever been open to my criticism and there are only few people I trust enough to take criticism from. We are sensitive to facing ourselves; not an easy feat. But I am hoping the ethical and honest Life Coaches, the ones who really care about their clients, the smart ones who understand that this is the only solution to any relationship issues, will have the courage to do so.
Let’s just stop this list making madness, turning people into objects. Or, if you insist on making lists, make a list about what needs to change within you first for you to feel complete and fulfilled so that you attract people with similar wonderful qualities. Knock your own door first, that’s all I am saying…
Lately, like millions of people around the World, I have been involved with Facebook, and became friends with many spiritually minded people. Among them there are a lot of Life Coaches, some self made, some with incredibly high level qualifications, like Doctors and Therapists. Of course ‘Love” and “Relationships” are a big part of our lives as it has always been since the beginning of time. Remember Adam and Eve, the ones with the fig leaves? Consequently, there are a lot of life coaching going on about relationships, dating, marriage and divorce. I know most of them are very helpful as we all need assistance and support time to time, dealing with our heart matters. One concept I have been very intrigued about is the idea of “making a list of things one wants in a potential date or mate.” Many coaches are adamant about making lists of your requirements in your next love, so that you know what you want, and also according to the “Law of Attraction” that is what you would attract, so some says.
People take this concept very seriously. I came across some of the lists online, and let me tell you they were long, and detailed; some down to the hair color and to the shoe size. And in the chat rooms or in the comments sections of the web sites people were writing things like “oh, he did not have the two things in my list so I broke up with him” or things like “Oh, I forgot to add that quality to my list so I attracted someone who did not have that particular quality” and I am like “what?” Suddenly I had a “light bulb” movement. I wondered if Juliet ever made a list like that. I guess she forgot to mention in her list that “I want a boyfriend my family would like.”
In all seriousness, I found the lists to be extremely self-centered, one sided and unrealistic. Do we all want the perfect man or woman? Gorgeous, smart, successful, well-balanced, neat, funny, calm and collected; did I mention gorgeous? What if that perfect person is looking for the next perfect one? Are we perfect? How many of our traits or characteristics are in someone’s list? Aren’t we putting ourselves up for major disappointment? And what happened to loving someone with all their faults, all their humanness and weaknesses. I am not advocating getting in to a relationship with criminals, abusers or dysfunctional people with serious addiction problems, but for God’s sake who do we think we are? How about our shortcomings? How about our less than perfectness? How about looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying ‘He/she must have broken up with me because I did not have two of the characteristics he/she had in her/his list.” Does this sound fair, loving or even rational to you? I am dumbfounded about people’s lack of introspection, self-analysis and humility. In our quest for love and happiness are we becoming blind to arrogance? Of course we must have discretion and some wisdom while getting involve with someone, but expect them to fit into our idea of perfection is downright selfish. They are them, and you are you. If you are compatible enough it will be heaven, otherwise let them find their own muse. Do you think all the happy couples out there have the perfect mates? No, they are just perfect for each other.
I am looking forward to a day I will meet a Life Coach who recommends self-evaluation first, making their clients understand that may be their past relationships did not work out because of what they were missing within themselves. After all you are the only constant in your past relationships. May be it is “you” who needs to add or subtract some characteristics so that you can attract someone to love you. Then I figured it out; how can you tell people who are paying you for your services that they are the ones needs change so that may be they can fit into other’s lists? After all we human species do not like to be criticized at all. I know of only a few people who have ever been open to my criticism and there are only few people I trust enough to take criticism from. We are sensitive to facing ourselves; not an easy feat. But I am hoping the ethical and honest Life Coaches, the ones who really care about their clients, the smart ones who understand that this is the only solution to any relationship issues, will have the courage to do so.
Let’s just stop this list making madness, turning people into objects. Or, if you insist on making lists, make a list about what needs to change within you first for you to feel complete and fulfilled so that you attract people with similar wonderful qualities. Knock your own door first, that’s all I am saying…
SO IS LOVE............
There are a little bit over 6 billion of us sharing the mother earth right at this moment. So there are as many thoughts, feelings, reactions and behaviors. So as many ways of hating and loving. No matter what our backgrounds, our family habits or our education are, we are who we are when we hate and when we love. Because these are extreme emotions, they somehow touch our very base, our core in a way that none other emotion does. Anger or joy or sadness can be attained or controlled to a degree by therapy or medication, but once someone hates deep down inside, it is highly unlikely any medication will cover that up, or cure it. Hate is so deep rooted and entrenched in our psyche through bigotry, ignorance or brainwashing that it can strip us from our humanity in many ways. And this is witnessed by all of us, everyday in homicides, in every torture, in every genocide.
So is love. There are as many ways of loving as there are as many of hearts. Love is not something we learn along the way. We are all born with it. Look at the little babies, just full of love, ready to love anything and everything. We do fine tune our ways of loving however as we understand it involves others, be it a person, an animal or even a plant. But why do we love? Why do we choose that particular person, or even is it a conscious choice? If it was only physical attraction would not we pick the most beautiful people at all times? That is not the case, unless you are looking for only sex of course. Who we love is not always the best looking person we have ever encountered, or most successful or most affluent. What is it about that person that makes us feel different about them? Kahlil Gibran has this wonderful quote "It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even for generations" Then I thought about all the life coaches and all other gurus who try to tell us what love is, and how should we feel and behave in a "relationship." All the steps to follow, all the boxes to fill, all the lists to make, all pointing us to use our head, get the "ego" involved in it. Don't go to the next step until you are sure about the first step! Don't call someone the next day, so that they won't think you are "needy". All the rules that make it a game out of your feelings. All the negotiations about what the relationship is supposed to be or where is it going, what to label it, how to categorize it. No wonder we have so many single and divorced people everywhere. We are so worried and focused on the rules and the labels and the steps that we forgot how to just be, and let ourselves to love and to be loved.
Love is not a head matter. If your head is in it, your ego is in it. And there is no place for ego in love. Love is spirit related, it comes from within. It does not have a rational, does not have reason, does not have logic. That is what makes it so ethereal, magical, so innocent. And that is why it is rare, unusual and precious. That is why it is crazy and difficult to understand for most of us. It is unabashed surrender. By all means, if you are in a relationship and need to follow rules to make it work, please do so. I am not recommending being unruly or rude or ill mannered. What I am saying is that if it is love, true love, you do not need the rules. Love is patient and kind and giving and unconditional, naturally. When you feel that deep connection to any being, your child, your lover, your friend, you do not think about rules to follow to know how to love them. It is embedded in you. Instinctively you know what they think, how they feel, what makes them hurt, what makes them happy. There is no infatuation period to be a mother. The second you feel your child in your belly that is the second you are in love with them. I do understand that this is not possible for all of us for many reasons. For this kind of love one must still have that childlike innocence deep down inside, that unwavering trust and fearlessness. That is why it usually is available for young people, because the older we get cynical we become, carrying all our past hurts over and all our terrible experiences above. We built our walls of protection because it hurts to be not loved back, it hurts to be betrayed, it hurts to be abandoned. I understand. But if you are lucky enough to even have a glimpse of that kind of love, I do recommend taking the chance. Because we are at our best when we are in love. When we can put another before us, unconditionally, allowing them to be who they are, accepting them, loving them as they are, that is the highest point in ourselves! Love can make us better people because it brings out the best in us. I wish each and every one of you to have this experience even if it is once in your lifetime, even if it is short lived. Like Tennyson once said “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Take your ego out of it, take your past hurts out of it, stuff your rules in a bag, just go for it. It is your Godforsaken right to love and to be loved. Allow yourselves to that openness where -yes may be you can get hurt-, but you can also touch the stars. If there are 6 billion of us, there are as many chances to love! And as many people to love! Don't go to your deathbed wondering!
So is love. There are as many ways of loving as there are as many of hearts. Love is not something we learn along the way. We are all born with it. Look at the little babies, just full of love, ready to love anything and everything. We do fine tune our ways of loving however as we understand it involves others, be it a person, an animal or even a plant. But why do we love? Why do we choose that particular person, or even is it a conscious choice? If it was only physical attraction would not we pick the most beautiful people at all times? That is not the case, unless you are looking for only sex of course. Who we love is not always the best looking person we have ever encountered, or most successful or most affluent. What is it about that person that makes us feel different about them? Kahlil Gibran has this wonderful quote "It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even for generations" Then I thought about all the life coaches and all other gurus who try to tell us what love is, and how should we feel and behave in a "relationship." All the steps to follow, all the boxes to fill, all the lists to make, all pointing us to use our head, get the "ego" involved in it. Don't go to the next step until you are sure about the first step! Don't call someone the next day, so that they won't think you are "needy". All the rules that make it a game out of your feelings. All the negotiations about what the relationship is supposed to be or where is it going, what to label it, how to categorize it. No wonder we have so many single and divorced people everywhere. We are so worried and focused on the rules and the labels and the steps that we forgot how to just be, and let ourselves to love and to be loved.
Love is not a head matter. If your head is in it, your ego is in it. And there is no place for ego in love. Love is spirit related, it comes from within. It does not have a rational, does not have reason, does not have logic. That is what makes it so ethereal, magical, so innocent. And that is why it is rare, unusual and precious. That is why it is crazy and difficult to understand for most of us. It is unabashed surrender. By all means, if you are in a relationship and need to follow rules to make it work, please do so. I am not recommending being unruly or rude or ill mannered. What I am saying is that if it is love, true love, you do not need the rules. Love is patient and kind and giving and unconditional, naturally. When you feel that deep connection to any being, your child, your lover, your friend, you do not think about rules to follow to know how to love them. It is embedded in you. Instinctively you know what they think, how they feel, what makes them hurt, what makes them happy. There is no infatuation period to be a mother. The second you feel your child in your belly that is the second you are in love with them. I do understand that this is not possible for all of us for many reasons. For this kind of love one must still have that childlike innocence deep down inside, that unwavering trust and fearlessness. That is why it usually is available for young people, because the older we get cynical we become, carrying all our past hurts over and all our terrible experiences above. We built our walls of protection because it hurts to be not loved back, it hurts to be betrayed, it hurts to be abandoned. I understand. But if you are lucky enough to even have a glimpse of that kind of love, I do recommend taking the chance. Because we are at our best when we are in love. When we can put another before us, unconditionally, allowing them to be who they are, accepting them, loving them as they are, that is the highest point in ourselves! Love can make us better people because it brings out the best in us. I wish each and every one of you to have this experience even if it is once in your lifetime, even if it is short lived. Like Tennyson once said “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Take your ego out of it, take your past hurts out of it, stuff your rules in a bag, just go for it. It is your Godforsaken right to love and to be loved. Allow yourselves to that openness where -yes may be you can get hurt-, but you can also touch the stars. If there are 6 billion of us, there are as many chances to love! And as many people to love! Don't go to your deathbed wondering!
LEARNING TO LET GO......
What makes us hold on to things, people and events? Why do we collect them, keep them and don't let them go???Why? Is it fear? or habit? or attachment? And once we decide to let them go, why does it hurt so much?
I believe it is our ego which is the origin of fear, attachment and suffering. We attach ourselves to things and people willingly. Because our spirits are free...Free of attachment, free of fear, free of suffering. So holding on is not spirit based. We create realities in our minds and try to fit the realities of others into ours in a way that sometimes it is so destructive for everyone involved. At the end, everyone and everything is broken; hearts, homes, children, furniture, finances, hopes and dreams. All broken...
We hold on to events as well, like toddlers hold onto their lollipops. So tight, so strongly that past is always on our way to stop us in our tracks. We are so dumbstruck about things happened may be years ago that we can't even allow ourselves to enjoy today and now. We bicker, fuss, argue about things happened so long ago to ruin our present.
How about holding on to objects??? That one does not even make sense because objects can't give back human emotion. They can't love you back, hug you back, kiss you back. They can't support you or be friends with you. At least with people, we can expect to be loved back so there is an emotional dimension to holding on to friends, spouses or lovers, but to objects??? Let them go!!! Just let them go!!!
Holding on is so difficult and arduous that at the end, we are exhausted, disappointed and resigned. We develop so much resentment, guilt and anger towards ourselves and towards people we are trying to hold on that at the end letting go is blasphemous! We hurt ourselves and we hurt them. We break apart. We are undone!
So what is the way to go??? I don't have the answers, but for me I've learned not to attach myself to anything and anyone. I've learned not to press upon my expectations on people and events. I've learned to let them be, and let myself be!!! Free!!! Free of fear of losing, fear of loving, fear of guilt and suffering. I've learned that suffering is in my head!!! I've learned not to label events as good or bad, just events happening as they should be. This was not an easy learning, but we are all capable. Take the ego out of the way and you are free, just like a bird! Ready to fly to your next destination without dragging your emotions! Take the ego out of the way! it is not easy, but possible!!! Let go! Let people go! Let the past go! Let the objects go! Just let go! Like Dr.Martin Luther King said "Free at last, free at last, free at last..."
I believe it is our ego which is the origin of fear, attachment and suffering. We attach ourselves to things and people willingly. Because our spirits are free...Free of attachment, free of fear, free of suffering. So holding on is not spirit based. We create realities in our minds and try to fit the realities of others into ours in a way that sometimes it is so destructive for everyone involved. At the end, everyone and everything is broken; hearts, homes, children, furniture, finances, hopes and dreams. All broken...
We hold on to events as well, like toddlers hold onto their lollipops. So tight, so strongly that past is always on our way to stop us in our tracks. We are so dumbstruck about things happened may be years ago that we can't even allow ourselves to enjoy today and now. We bicker, fuss, argue about things happened so long ago to ruin our present.
How about holding on to objects??? That one does not even make sense because objects can't give back human emotion. They can't love you back, hug you back, kiss you back. They can't support you or be friends with you. At least with people, we can expect to be loved back so there is an emotional dimension to holding on to friends, spouses or lovers, but to objects??? Let them go!!! Just let them go!!!
Holding on is so difficult and arduous that at the end, we are exhausted, disappointed and resigned. We develop so much resentment, guilt and anger towards ourselves and towards people we are trying to hold on that at the end letting go is blasphemous! We hurt ourselves and we hurt them. We break apart. We are undone!
So what is the way to go??? I don't have the answers, but for me I've learned not to attach myself to anything and anyone. I've learned not to press upon my expectations on people and events. I've learned to let them be, and let myself be!!! Free!!! Free of fear of losing, fear of loving, fear of guilt and suffering. I've learned that suffering is in my head!!! I've learned not to label events as good or bad, just events happening as they should be. This was not an easy learning, but we are all capable. Take the ego out of the way and you are free, just like a bird! Ready to fly to your next destination without dragging your emotions! Take the ego out of the way! it is not easy, but possible!!! Let go! Let people go! Let the past go! Let the objects go! Just let go! Like Dr.Martin Luther King said "Free at last, free at last, free at last..."
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