BOYFRIEND SHOPPING LIST

I know I will probably offend few people with this blog; but anyone who knows me well knows that I rather be honest and write or say what I hold to be true for myself than try to conform someone else’s idea, just so I am still liked by them. I like Dr. Seuss’s famous quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Besides I just ate a Dove chocolate piece, one of those that have quotes in the wrapper, and it said “Create a little controversy.”

Lately, like millions of people around the World, I have been involved with Facebook, and became friends with many spiritually minded people. Among them there are a lot of Life Coaches, some self made, some with incredibly high level qualifications, like Doctors and Therapists. Of course ‘Love” and “Relationships” are a big part of our lives as it has always been since the beginning of time. Remember Adam and Eve, the ones with the fig leaves? Consequently, there are a lot of life coaching going on about relationships, dating, marriage and divorce. I know most of them are very helpful as we all need assistance and support time to time, dealing with our heart matters. One concept I have been very intrigued about is the idea of “making a list of things one wants in a potential date or mate.” Many coaches are adamant about making lists of your requirements in your next love, so that you know what you want, and also according to the “Law of Attraction” that is what you would attract, so some says.

People take this concept very seriously. I came across some of the lists online, and let me tell you they were long, and detailed; some down to the hair color and to the shoe size. And in the chat rooms or in the comments sections of the web sites people were writing things like “oh, he did not have the two things in my list so I broke up with him” or things like “Oh, I forgot to add that quality to my list so I attracted someone who did not have that particular quality” and I am like “what?” Suddenly I had a “light bulb” movement. I wondered if Juliet ever made a list like that. I guess she forgot to mention in her list that “I want a boyfriend my family would like.”

In all seriousness, I found the lists to be extremely self-centered, one sided and unrealistic. Do we all want the perfect man or woman? Gorgeous, smart, successful, well-balanced, neat, funny, calm and collected; did I mention gorgeous? What if that perfect person is looking for the next perfect one? Are we perfect? How many of our traits or characteristics are in someone’s list? Aren’t we putting ourselves up for major disappointment? And what happened to loving someone with all their faults, all their humanness and weaknesses. I am not advocating getting in to a relationship with criminals, abusers or dysfunctional people with serious addiction problems, but for God’s sake who do we think we are? How about our shortcomings? How about our less than perfectness? How about looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying ‘He/she must have broken up with me because I did not have two of the characteristics he/she had in her/his list.” Does this sound fair, loving or even rational to you? I am dumbfounded about people’s lack of introspection, self-analysis and humility. In our quest for love and happiness are we becoming blind to arrogance? Of course we must have discretion and some wisdom while getting involve with someone, but expect them to fit into our idea of perfection is downright selfish. They are them, and you are you. If you are compatible enough it will be heaven, otherwise let them find their own muse. Do you think all the happy couples out there have the perfect mates? No, they are just perfect for each other.

I am looking forward to a day I will meet a Life Coach who recommends self-evaluation first, making their clients understand that may be their past relationships did not work out because of what they were missing within themselves. After all you are the only constant in your past relationships. May be it is “you” who needs to add or subtract some characteristics so that you can attract someone to love you. Then I figured it out; how can you tell people who are paying you for your services that they are the ones needs change so that may be they can fit into other’s lists? After all we human species do not like to be criticized at all. I know of only a few people who have ever been open to my criticism and there are only few people I trust enough to take criticism from. We are sensitive to facing ourselves; not an easy feat. But I am hoping the ethical and honest Life Coaches, the ones who really care about their clients, the smart ones who understand that this is the only solution to any relationship issues, will have the courage to do so.

Let’s just stop this list making madness, turning people into objects. Or, if you insist on making lists, make a list about what needs to change within you first for you to feel complete and fulfilled so that you attract people with similar wonderful qualities. Knock your own door first, that’s all I am saying…