FAITH INTERCEPTED

So we grow up, trying to do the right things; finish college, find a good man to marry, make babies, be a good mother, be a good wife, find a job, be a good worker, take good care of the family…Then one day suddenly you wake up and whatever is in you stirs the pot; it is stirred up…It feels so uncomfortable and foreign that you want to run away, thinking maybe you can leave the feeling behind, but to no avail. It sticks with you and keeps tugging your soul until you are hopelessly looking for an answer.

When I said this to my Yoga teacher, she said my light was trying to come out, and I needed to look within to understand it; Rumi has a wonderful quote on this “The wound is the place where the light enters.” I was more confused than ever. I did not feel wounded, what was she talking about? Looking within…How did one do that; to look deep inside of your own heart and soul? Without even knowing how to do it, I was nervous. What was inside? What would I have to face or deal with?

I started to read and research. I started to meditate. I was so uncomfortable with that feeling inside of me that I was determined to figure out how to get rid of it. It was like wearing one size small shoes and you did not have the ability to take them off. Or having a fish hook stuck in your eyeball, where you are afraid to pull it off but the pain is so unbearable that you know you need to do something about it.

It took me years…I lived with that feeling for years, while I was reading all about myself, spiritual growth, self improvement, and going to Yoga and meditate. Meanwhile things happened in my life in such an odd sequel that made me more curious about life itself. A major hurricane hit my business within the second month I’ve purchased it. I have lost my mother to cancer within two years of that event, and then I found out some things about my partner which shook me to my core. On top of it, I had a major health scare and a slight melodrama.

Then one day, it hit me just like the way it started. Suddenly everything was clear like a mountain path after the fog. I could see far away into the forest. I could breath. I could think. I could laugh again, enjoy my coffee and be funny. I was freed. I was liberated from the chokehold of the aberrance. I was myself again. I was about the graduate from Yoga school to be an instructor. I was starting to write again. I started a new exercise program, lost weight and stopped smoking. I even found people from my past and had a chance to mend some broken hearts, which felt so good, like ending of a karmic cycle. May be that was it, some debt that was not paid, some unlived memory or intercepted faith. Whatever it was, worked its way out, and I am so pleased that it is gone, I hope forever; whatever forever means…It feels so good to be back...