DENIAL AIN’T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT

When I first read this Mark Twain quote, I laughed long and hard. Then I started to think about it. How many people do I know who live in denial of their circumstances or of their emotions? It was a shocking discovery. Suddenly I realized there were a lot of my friends, relatives, and acquaintances whose heads were stuck in the sand*, and I was talking to their butts for years. Well, I like their butts. Actually, what I am worried about is if they were also talking to my butt too, secretly.

I had a very strong, pragmatic mother who instilled in my sister and me to face our realities head on, and deal with our problems right away, instead of running away from them. I am not sure how much of this advice and skill I have employed through my life, but my objective has always been to be honest with myself and others even if the truth hurt badly sometimes. Then I realized that many people do not like the truth. They either do not like to hear it, deal with it or even know it. They rather live in their reality than face the facts. Then I realized furthermore that this even applies to societies, and governments. Nobody wants the truth. For them the truth is hurtful, dangerous, difficult, or hopeless. It is also pliable, changeable, or controllable in their minds.

Bill Waterston says “It’s not denial; I am just selective about the reality I accept.” Maybe this is it. Maybe it is a defense mechanism, or a survival tactic for human beings to preserve themselves. Can we really get hurt by the truth? Knowing your lover is cheating on you or you are about to be financially bankrupt…Sounds hurtful…But aren’t we hurting ourselves more by ignoring or not accepting it? My mother told me that somehow, someway, truth always comes out. So isn’t it easier to just deal with it sooner than later? Or maybe we believe that if we just keep our heads under the sand long enough, all of our problems will go away.

I have compassion for people who have to deal with painful truths such as loss of a loved one or war memories. I can understand for their desire to deny the facts in these situations. Who can blame a mother for not wanting to remember how her child died? I’ve heard of a new pill scientists were developing which will help humans be able to erase painful memories. I think a lot of people would pay good money for it, or they would get drunk or abuse drugs like the rest of the population. We drink to forget, use drugs to be numb, or eat to death. Basically, we do whatever we can to not deal with reality because it hurts.

Then it hit me. I think we do not want to deal with the truth because we feel helpless, or hopeless. We think we can not change our circumstances because it requires serious effort. If you are in a financial rut, you have to get a job or work longer hours, and be really good at managing your money. That is effort. If your lover is cheating on you, you have to leave him or her, or you have to confront him or her. That is effort. I guess we are lazy and scared. No matter how you look at it, to get out of denial, first we have to confront our fears and then we have to work hard. This is not an easy task, no wonder most people prefer to live in denial than face the truth.

At the end there are no judgments on my part. I know life is difficult in many ways, but I also believe the truth will set us free. I wish my best to anyone who chooses to live their truth, because I know this is the laborious choice.

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”

J. Donald Walters quotes (Romanian author, lecturer, and composer)

*There are two theories about how this rumor got started. According to the World Wide Fund for Nature, the ostrich lowers its head toward the ground in reaction to danger, especially when it's sitting on a nest (the female keeps the eggs warm during the day and the male sits on the eggs at night.). "To escape detection, chicks as well as adults may lie on the ground with neck outstretched," the Encyclopedia Britannica adds. Supposedly the ostrich hopes its enemy will mistake it for a termite mound or low bush when its head is lowered. Seeing as an ostrich is the world's largest bird weighing as much as 400 pounds, I doubt they fool anyone but the blindest hyena. Male ostriches use their bills to dig shallow nests in the sand and move their eggs around. From a distance, this could look like the ostrich's head is disappearing in the sand. That's the other theory.

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